Last time on Adventures of Liu Kang and Sub-Zero, Liu and his crew thought up a plan to attack the White House with jets and missles. They failed worse than my kidney did last night after eating that damn steak. Kenshi was shot down and now Liu and Subby have to walk back home.
Sub-Zero: I’m sick of walking dude.
Liu: Me too. I wish something would come throw us back home.
Suddenly, 2 enormously large, big-ass mother*beeps* tornadoes came towards them.
Liu: Wow. Tornadoes!
Sub-Zero: Is that my condom from 2 nights ago?
Liu: You had a girl 2 nights ago?
Sub-Zero: No. It was just you and me in that one alley.
Liu: Oh…hey wait!
The tornadoes picked them up and flew them back to their house.
Liu: Dude, those tornadoes picked us up and flew us back to our house.
Sub-Zero: Yeah how cool is that?
They walked inside and turned on the tv to see some shocking weather reports.
Female Reporter: There are unidentified reports of severe weather happening all over the world.
Male Reporter: There seems to be no explanation of this phenomenon.
Indian Reporter: Yo. Dees is za reportz for za wezzer. Itz appearz zo be happeninz ‘cuz of global warminz’. We doomzed ya’ll. Holla!
Black Reporter: See! I told them crazy wiggas this crazy *beep* would happen! But do they listen? Noooo!! They gotta listen to that crazy-ass white foo’ we got for a President!
Asian Reporter: Reportin’ live for AZN Tv. White folks are dead and we gettin’ the *beep* out of here!
Liu: I know man.
Sub-Zero: That’s so sad.
Liu: Yeah. Well anyway what do you want for dinner, fish sticks or chocolate pudding?
Liu: Yeah you’re right. Fish sticks covered in chocolate pudding!
So they ate their dinner and put in a movie.
Liu: So what is this?
Sub-Zero: It’s “The Day After Tomorrow”.
Liu: It is?
Liu: How is it the day after tomorrow. Today is Wednesday and if you are right, then today is supposed to be Friday.
Sub-Zero: No, the movie is called “The Day After Tomorrow”
The next morning, Liu woke up and looked out the window. He was shocked that he saw snow covering his windows.
Liu: Where have I seen this..? Subby!
Liu: Why is there snow covering the windows and….IS THAT A MOLE ON THAT MAN’S ASS?!?!?!?!?!?!
After Liu threw up in the bathroom, he came out and saw that Sub-Zero was shivering.
Liu: Dude I thought you liked the ice.
Sub-Zero: I know. But…
Liu: But what?
Sub-Zero: I see dead people.
Sub-Zero: I see dead people.
Liu: I can’t hear you. Quit whispering. We’re not in that movie The Sixth Sense”
Sub-Zero: Oh sorry. I see dead people!
Liu looked outside.
Liu: Subby you idiot. That’s your last 200 something brothers we dug out that one night and buried in our front yard.
Sub-Zero: I thought they looked funny.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
Liu: Who is it?
Man: GTA’er. I’d like to reveal my identity and give you back your car. This is your only chance.
Liu: We’re busy come back later.
Sub-Zero: Jeez can’t that GTA’er give us time alone? He acts like he jacked our car.
So they sat down and turned on the news again. They saw tornadoes rip threw L.A., a wall of water go to New York, and hail coming down on Tokyo.
Sub-Zero: Dude, how are we watching all of this on one Tv and on one channel?
Liu: I don’t know.
Sub-Zero: Oh dude look! The White House is frozen!!!
They began busting out the drinks and began chugging them down by the gallons. They were unaware that the planet was about to be frozen into a ball of ice.
The next morning, Sub-Zero and Liu wake up to find 20 men frozen to the ground in their front yard.
Liu and Sub-Zero: HOLY *MEGA BEEEEEEPPPPP* Dead bodies!
Liu: AAH!! Dead bodies! Were they murdered?!?!
Sub-Zero: No! They were eaten and left for dead!!!!
Suddenly a tornado was coming right at them.
Liu: That’s catching up to us dude.
Liu: We’re about to be blown away huh?
Liu: This is gonna hurt very badly huh?
Liu: You got jiggy with it with Wacko Jacko last night didn’t you?
Sub-Zero: Yup. HEY WHO TOLD YOU?!?!?!?!
Liu: You mean…you…no way…how…UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
The tornado began to get closer.
Sub-Zero: Mom I’m sorry for doing you in your sleep, I’m sorry Frost for forcing you with a dog, Liu I’m sorry for making you wear a thong and dance for me!
Liu: Did you take your medicine this morning?
Sub-Zero: Maybe. Why?
Liu: Because if I had underwear up my ass and danced for you and remembered, I would’ve shaved the hair off my ass adn my body with tweezers hair by hair and then get ass naked a rape a goat!
Sub-Zero: Didn’t you do that last Christmas?
The tornado came closer until it was 2 centimeters away from them. Suddenly, the tornado froze into a block of ice and shattered on the spot.
Liu: Well that was weird.
Suddenly, a huge snow storm was headed right to them.
Liu and Sub-Zero: RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They scattered. They ran across the street and down the block. They turned left and headed to the highway. There was a sign to that pointed left and a sign that pointed right. The left sign said “The Most Painful Slow Death You Can Ever Imagine” and the right one said “Suicide Road”. Liu ran to the left and Sub-Zero ran to the right. Idiots.
To be continued…